so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
