My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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