I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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