I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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