I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
