Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
