Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
