i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's Friday. Sex?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
