I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
