I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
