Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
