Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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