i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
