hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
