I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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