Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
