I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
