elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
