Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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