Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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