i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
