You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
