Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
