First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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