So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
