It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
