I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
