Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
