I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
