She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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