I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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