love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
