Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
