my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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