are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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