I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
