i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there was a trapeze. enough said
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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