So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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