I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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