it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
