Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
