Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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