you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
