i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
