It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And then he peed in my hair
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
