My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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