apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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