Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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