I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
this boner is exhausting
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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