I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
