I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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