after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
