When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
